Beautifully Horrible

I realize it’s been a while since I’ve actually updated this website, that’s because I’ve been busy. Since my last post I have pretty much gone through various life changes involving many hair colors, a brief inter lapse in judgment involving relationships, I’ve moved, I’ve changed jobs and am now finally in the process of getting a dream job. However none of this seems new, nor does it seem note worthy to go into too much detail.

Ironically as I am saving all of my old poems since the website they are stored at closes October 6th I have noticed a lot of the poems I wrote years before sort of pertain to my modern circumstance and the things that have transpired in my recent history. I wonder if this is just irony and coincidence or perhaps the poems that I thought were insight into other people’s perspective lives was actually a subconscious perspective into my own future. Either way it doesn’t really matter, just something I thought of as I was saving my poetry one by one.

It’s amazing how things we think hold no relevance to us eventually always come around to stare us in the face.

I dream in high definition
every detail captured bright,
a sense of recognition
in throughout the night.

I’ve heard of black and white
or the color dreams of red scheme,
above viewing and sight,
and what it all means.

I never analyzed much
not the thoughts they bring
or even a sensual touch,
as it’s not insight to me.

I found my imagination wild
untamed living creativity
since being just a child
why question a gift?

In high definition I wait
for my dreams to sedate
me into who saw so
clearly everything she had.
© ~Serena~

My heart is yours and as so has always been.
Everytime I doubt my love for you, I fall again.
When you’re distant and so obscure
I miss the original sense of our allure.
That feeling in my stomach of butterflies.
Like flying high, a roller coaster in the sky.
But just as senses fade, and dreams dim,
Suddenly in your aura I am captive again.
As we sit here in the dark I sense the
Butterflies of our history and the spark.
I realize you’re the only man that matters…
The only one I could love all out.

…as your vehicle pulls on black ice
without missing a beat you counter stear,
and as I shake you laugh gently in my ear.
then smile dimples and all and say
“I’ve got you baby doll.”
as you wrap one arm around me I see
always, you are the only man for me.
© ~Serena~

in my mind I would wander,
free upon the open range;
a mustang set to graze.
the world was mine to take,
and I embraced and owned it.
the best cowboy couldn’t
tame my animal instincts.
I was independent,and unbroken.

but time tethered my spirit,
put in a halter with blinders
to shield my wild eyes.
then a bit to clench my mouth,
and reigns to slow me down.
since then I’ve been one way,
racing all out without end.
a crop slapping my hind side
without vision to see before me.
urged on pointless myself the
loser, and the lost, in the race.
© ~Serena~

on the radio,
old song,
our song.
I remember well
even though
it’s been far
too long.
you said you
were wrong…
then I went
far gone.
It was over
despite my
announced;
Love Forever.
Looking down
where your ring
sat in claim
who’s to blame?
the song was
all wrong;
sad song past
like love gone.

captured in your eyes
I am your slave
use me
abuse me
always love me.

falling to my knees
to calm your rage
I know your need
your desire,
let’s calm our fire.

like water to the heart,
as we make love into art,
You hold me.
I love you.
You know me.
© ~Serena~

A misery of shallow dark
Like a tight fist on my heart.
Clench my teeth and talk to you,
But it doesn’t matter what I do.

I beat my face against pavement
While you watch in sick amazement,
As I disfigure my being beyond recognition,
Another victim of the human condition.

In the end all I want is solid ground,
Yet there you stand without a sound.
And in all my crying for you to see,
Emptiness is all that’s in front of me.

this memory unclean
absolutely obscene
but so sensual with you
even in dreams, it’s true…
I can’t keep my hands
from wanting only you.
the dream if just a flash
a moment nearing extasy,
but the memory of your face
powerful, as you’re over me.
in this dream we are one
a sensuality of eroticism.
our moment of romanticism.
light my fire, feel my burn,
feeling like there’s no return,
reaching out, I pull you close,
rising desire to peak for pleasure.
pushing through me you endeavor.
almost there, almost through,
I scream my love for you…
“DONT STOP” and never will
see the tension through…

I wake, my dream a tease
smile,
and roll over you.

Freezing
Hidden from the sun
Seaking the light
But finding only
Darkness and night.

Frustrated
I fight against the dark
Refusing to bare it’s mark,
I know I am stronger
For I bore this burden longer.

Sadness
As what I find
Lacks my answer
Waiting for saving
Ate at me like cancer.
© ~Serena~

Blossom rose, your scent soft,
Fingers gently brush your petals
Open bloom.
Enter my room.
Let your fingers circle me,
Lift me from my stem;
Gently smell my aroma,
As you hold me.
My scent consumes you,
I control you.

Dare not to touch a rose
in bloom,
As the thorns often
come to soon.
© ~Serena~